i was rollin on her like bob the builder
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
