two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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