one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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