If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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