The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize