If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
