He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
