I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
