I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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