I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
