i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
