I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
