Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
