Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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