I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
