This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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