you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
