oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
