And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
