**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
