It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
