walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize