I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
