Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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