Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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