My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
