I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
