You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
