I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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