just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
