i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
