i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
