Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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