i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
