I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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