This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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