If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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