ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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