how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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