SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
