Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
