She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
