I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
