His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
