I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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