so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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