here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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