i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
