Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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