I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
