OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
