just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
