My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
