im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
