i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
