I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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