Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
