the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
