I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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