My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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