Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
