i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
