Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
