I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
