There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
