So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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