I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think my moral compass just broke
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