Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
