How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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