its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
